Patience. It’s a virtue, right? We’re told patience is important, but has anyone actually taught us how to have it? And do we truly live in a culture that values patience, or do we just say that we do? Is it all performative?

Let’s get into it.

The Challenge of Finding Patience

I usually prefer to practice yoga at a studio. There’s something about leaving the chaotic energy of my home behind and entering a big, open room curated for relaxation. But sometimes, I don’t want to be around people. I just want to exist without being perceived—the neurodivergent therapist in me understands this deeply.

On those days, I practice at home. I throw on a yoga video and let the teacher guide me while my dogs run around, barking and playing. It’s not exactly peaceful, but I make it work.

This morning, when the teacher invited us to set an intention for our practice, I knew immediately what mine needed to be: patience.

Why? Because my dogs were already running wild around me, and I could feel the annoyance rising. I had a choice—follow the path of frustration or choose patience instead.

Our Instant Gratification Culture

We live in a world of instant gratification. Amazon Prime delivers packages the same day, and grocery delivery saves us from even leaving the house. Everything is designed for speed and convenience. It’s part of capitalism’s plan to keep us productive:

• “Too busy to go grocery shopping? No worries. We’ll bring the food to you.”
• “Forgot your kid’s school supplies? Stay at work. We’ll deliver them in two hours.”

At the same time, we’re told to “be patient” and that it’s a virtue. The mixed messaging is exhausting.

What Does Patience Really Mean?

By definition, patience is the capacity to tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without becoming angry or upset.

• Tolerating delay: Not everything happens quickly. Nature works in cycles—spring brings growth, summer blooms, and winter rests. Nature doesn’t rush because it knows rest is essential.
• Tolerating suffering: Pain is inevitable, but focusing on the pain rarely makes it go away faster. Patience allows us to persevere through hard times, knowing they will pass.

Patience and Perfectionism

As a trauma therapist, I see perfectionism sneak into many lives—especially in how we expect instant results from personal growth. But real change takes time.

If you’re trying to build a new mental habit, like practicing gratitude, it won’t feel natural at first. You have to consciously remind yourself to focus on gratitude every day before it becomes second nature. The magic happens when patience and consistency pay off.

The same goes for your mental well-being. Progress takes time. You can’t rush healing or growth. Patience is the secret ingredient.

How to Cultivate Patience

The key to cultivating patience is acceptance. Accept that reality might not be what you want, but it is what it is.

Acceptance ≠ Complacency. It’s about recognizing the present moment for what it is so you can respond effectively.

Metaphor Time

Let’s say all the injustices in the world—like racism, transphobia, and war—are represented by the color red. Peace and harmony are purple.

If you misidentify the problem (thinking it’s orange), you’ll add the wrong color and never get to purple. But if you acknowledge that you’re working with red, you can mix in the blue you need to reach purple.

Acceptance helps us identify the “color” we’re dealing with so we can take the right steps toward change.

The Obstacle is the Way

When it comes to patience, the obstacle itself becomes the teacher.
We only learn patience by facing situations that test it.

If my dogs weren’t causing chaos during my yoga practice, I wouldn’t need to work on patience at all. I’d just have a peaceful flow. But because they are there, I have an opportunity to practice patience—and grow.

It’s the same with mental health. If you deny feeling lonely or depressed, you won’t take the necessary steps to feel better. But when you acknowledge your reality, you can seek the right support and trust that, in time, things will improve.

Remember: The path to patience isn’t about getting rid of obstacles. It’s about learning how to be okay in their presence.

Key Takeaways for Building Patience

1. Set an Intention: When you feel triggered, choose patience as your guiding principle.
2. Accept Reality: Embrace where you are now without judgment.
3. Trust the Process: Growth and healing take time—be kind to yourself along the way.